Yes, just random....b/c I realized that I have not shared my thoughts on this blog in a while. Although, I think I might just be the only person who actually reads my blog :) hehe
So, I'm sharing my thoughts with myself....what a thought?! Okay, now i'm just rambling...
I do have purpose to this post:
At Mack Avenue Community Church, we are going through a series on "Healthy Covenant Community" & last week we were discussing "singleness". This was the first talk that I have heard on singleness since I became a married woman!
Eric Nielson taught on how there is a perception in the world and in the church that singleness is some "condition" that you might just need some "help" for. There is not much of a celebration of singleness, especially in the church!
It's so apparent...especially because as soon as you graduate from college you are asked at every social gathering (i.e. weddings or reunions) "Are you seeing anyone"??? I had a friend recently tell me about a wedding she attended for an old friend, and how it seemed that all anyone wanted to talk about was why she didn't have a man?!?!? I laughed as she told me, "I have plenty of exciting things happening in my life that don't include a romantic relaltionship!"
Ahhh, I'm so guilty of this too!!! Since being married, I have realized just how much I equated finding a man with some sense of satisfaction to my identity (if that even makes sense...) However, now that I am married, I see more clearly than ever, just how much my identity cannot be found in this relationship!
Anyways, back to the sermon, Eric really unfolded the gift that marriage is in a sense that you have the opportunity to wholly give yourself to God. It gives you to opportunity to use your freetime to fully commit to building God's kingdom and developing your intimacy with the Lord.
As I was listening to the sermon, I started to think how I would have disagreed with him 7 months ago (when I was still single). I feel that I would have thought as a married or single your devotion should be to God and you should make time for his Kingdom work, which is still TRUE.
However, now that I am married, I realize how it's true we must cultivate our own relationship with God and have "alone" time. Although, much of the understanding of God and who he is (his love & character) has been revealed to me THROUGH my relationship with my husband. On top of that, marriage is simply hard work and you must make time to spend together, talk through issues, to be intimate, etc and I believe that is fully honoring to God.
It's cool that whatever place we are in life (single or married), God has a perfect design to make himself known in and through us.
Anyone who actually reads this... Thoughts?
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
The internet: where people can be nasty!!!
Have you noticed this?
I have.
I had the bright idea that I would search online for forums and blogs related to Occupational Therapy, because I am about to start the OT Program at Wayne State University in 2 months. I thought it would be cool and ENCOURAGING to hear other's perspectives on life as an OT.
It's crazy how discouraging it is and how I have found myself somehow getting sucked into wanting to know what the next horrible thing that people will say about OT, or the other people on the forum. UGGGHhhh, I know, I know, this is unhealthy and self-destructive behavior!
So, there is this person who constantly writes into this OT forum to basically attack the field of OT and anyone who has any interest in this field at all. This person is degrading and really just hateful in their remarks.
This person amazes me. I mean, are they really this mean in their day-to-day life? Surely not, or else they would be terribly lonely with no friends. Of course, maybe they are and thats why they have so much time to write mean things on online forums.
I think there's something about the internet and the way it can make you feel blocked from any consequences of your actions (yet there are always consequences). You can speak to others whom you don't even know in any way you feel like it...because, what are they going to do? Maybe it's just a way some people vent at every person they've ever disliked or something....
I have no clue and frankly I'm in shock at some of the things I have read on these forums.
I wrote a message asking if anyone "Actually like being an OT" and of course this person just responded with darts at me and how foolish I basically am for being so "blinded" by the "profession" of OT.
The crazy thing is, my feelings are actually hurt by this person in cyberworld who I will never meet....I mean if I did meet this person, I wouldn't even know it b/c I only know them by their made-up username! Right now, I'm struggling with why am I so sensitive and let foolish things like this hurt me! Ahhhh, I wish I could get a little bit of a harder shell sometimes.
So, has anyone else encountered this? Mean people on the internet who use it to say things that they would probably NEVER say to someone's face????
I'm curious to hear.
Any encouragement? :)
I have.
I had the bright idea that I would search online for forums and blogs related to Occupational Therapy, because I am about to start the OT Program at Wayne State University in 2 months. I thought it would be cool and ENCOURAGING to hear other's perspectives on life as an OT.
It's crazy how discouraging it is and how I have found myself somehow getting sucked into wanting to know what the next horrible thing that people will say about OT, or the other people on the forum. UGGGHhhh, I know, I know, this is unhealthy and self-destructive behavior!
So, there is this person who constantly writes into this OT forum to basically attack the field of OT and anyone who has any interest in this field at all. This person is degrading and really just hateful in their remarks.
This person amazes me. I mean, are they really this mean in their day-to-day life? Surely not, or else they would be terribly lonely with no friends. Of course, maybe they are and thats why they have so much time to write mean things on online forums.
I think there's something about the internet and the way it can make you feel blocked from any consequences of your actions (yet there are always consequences). You can speak to others whom you don't even know in any way you feel like it...because, what are they going to do? Maybe it's just a way some people vent at every person they've ever disliked or something....
I have no clue and frankly I'm in shock at some of the things I have read on these forums.
I wrote a message asking if anyone "Actually like being an OT" and of course this person just responded with darts at me and how foolish I basically am for being so "blinded" by the "profession" of OT.
The crazy thing is, my feelings are actually hurt by this person in cyberworld who I will never meet....I mean if I did meet this person, I wouldn't even know it b/c I only know them by their made-up username! Right now, I'm struggling with why am I so sensitive and let foolish things like this hurt me! Ahhhh, I wish I could get a little bit of a harder shell sometimes.
So, has anyone else encountered this? Mean people on the internet who use it to say things that they would probably NEVER say to someone's face????
I'm curious to hear.
Any encouragement? :)
Monday, June 29, 2009
Confession:
Yesterday at church we had a time of Confession, Prayer and Praise. It was an amazing experience to share and be vulnerable with one another.
So many people just got up to share the sin in their lives, the brokenness that they feel and to ask for support, accountability, and forgiveness.
Isn't this the way the church should always be? A refuge and support system for broken people. Yet, so much of the time we put up walls & hide our needs from the very ones that we need help from.
Much of the time, when my struggles are right at the surface and I feel a sense of despair from the messiness that is inside....I tend to isolate myself due to this lie that I must present a joyful face. I often fear that the body of Christ around me will start thinking I'm just "unstable" b/c I always have some "issue"....therefore, I fear being vulnerable. Honestly, though, I often have such a hard time "faking it"....that it just seems like I'm a little socially awkward:) ha. that's funny.
Anyways, yesterday was truly beautiful and freeing. After confessing my battle with depression, my angst about living in Detroit, and my fight to "be present", I found power over those struggles. For the moment I was able to say "enough"- I am stronger than this.
That's a really cool moment. I pray that, as the body of Christ, that we will continue to feel comfortable with making a practice of confession and providing gracious acceptance in reponse.
So many people just got up to share the sin in their lives, the brokenness that they feel and to ask for support, accountability, and forgiveness.
Isn't this the way the church should always be? A refuge and support system for broken people. Yet, so much of the time we put up walls & hide our needs from the very ones that we need help from.
Much of the time, when my struggles are right at the surface and I feel a sense of despair from the messiness that is inside....I tend to isolate myself due to this lie that I must present a joyful face. I often fear that the body of Christ around me will start thinking I'm just "unstable" b/c I always have some "issue"....therefore, I fear being vulnerable. Honestly, though, I often have such a hard time "faking it"....that it just seems like I'm a little socially awkward:) ha. that's funny.
Anyways, yesterday was truly beautiful and freeing. After confessing my battle with depression, my angst about living in Detroit, and my fight to "be present", I found power over those struggles. For the moment I was able to say "enough"- I am stronger than this.
That's a really cool moment. I pray that, as the body of Christ, that we will continue to feel comfortable with making a practice of confession and providing gracious acceptance in reponse.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Life without Nick...
Ahh, yes, so dramatic! But, Nick has been gone driving cross country for almost a full week and I'm SOOOO over it!
At first, I was like, "what? You are leaving me in Michigan? But, this is your state!" That made me think...I really need to start accepting that I'm no longer a "Floridian", but rather "Michigander".
I've been lonely without him and missing him like crazy.
Last night I was talking to Nick and he summed it up pretty well. He said, "I didn't get married to you to be 7 states away from you!" Yes, indeed. I'm really ready for him to come home.
Just thought i'd share.
At first, I was like, "what? You are leaving me in Michigan? But, this is your state!" That made me think...I really need to start accepting that I'm no longer a "Floridian", but rather "Michigander".
I've been lonely without him and missing him like crazy.
Last night I was talking to Nick and he summed it up pretty well. He said, "I didn't get married to you to be 7 states away from you!" Yes, indeed. I'm really ready for him to come home.
Just thought i'd share.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
So much has been happening:
On May 4th, my grandma passed away, and it's kinda "taken me out". She was such a special part of my life (all of our lives), and some days it's just bizarre not to be able to talk to her.
She went in for heart surgery (Serious for an 85 year old woman), yet she believed that she would be able to fully recover...at least that's what the doctors were telling her. However, she never left the hospital. She had some serious breathing problems and could never get off the ventilator.
Finally, after a few weeks and after the doctors admitting that she would never again breathe on her own, my mom and her sisters decided to take her off the ventilator. My grandma was heavily sedated and we all knew that she never wanted to "be kept alive"...she told us this many times!!!
Anytime you deal with death you think about what happens next...you think about lots of things. I've been thinking about what's "real". God says in the scriptures that he placed eternity in the hearts of all of us...this longing for something "more"...something "beyond what we see". I've been challenged lately that what we see and touch is not really "real", rather the spiritual realm is truly "real"....the realm of the power of the holy spirit, as well as the powers of evil. This message is all throughout the scriptures, and when you lose someone from this life, you have to question What it's all about or what's truly real?
Living in this city and working with the population that I work with...I feel like I am constantly bombarded with the brokenness and evil of this world that we live in. From the abandoned homes and caved in buildings every where you look in Detroit to the foster youth that I see every day who battle to "make something of themselves"...sometimes you wonder how they will ever make it when they've been raped or witnessed murders or have the reading capacity of a 1st grader at the age of 21. Ahhh, I get so emotionally involved and I wonder "Whats the hope?" "How can this ever change?"
I'm gonna sound really negative here, but I really don't think there is much hope. I mean, I believe that change can and will happen and it will be beautiful. But, there will always be these disgusting stories of abuse and injustice. The evil and oppression and ugliness of our world will never be completely eradicated- at least not in this world that we know.
I believe that the hope only lies in "Something more"...something outside this "reality" that we know. Believing in a reality that we cannot see with our eyes, yet trusting that it is what we were created for.
12And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. 13Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. 14For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come. -Hebrews
Even as I type this, I wonder if people (If anyone reads this) will be thinking that I'm saying, "Whats the point? Just give up"...I'm not saying that at all. I fully believe that we must continue to fight for justice in our world and battle to see good overcome evil. But, I just feel like at the end of the day....The hope only lies in "the created" being united with "the creator".
My grandma lived 85 years. 85 years of love and compassion and mercy to SO MANY, yet her life is over...as much as I am challenged by the legacy that she has left behind, I'm really being challenged by the thought that all that truly matters now is that she has been united with her God. Her hope was in "another reality"...in an eternal world with God...and that hope motivated her to live the life she lived.
I have no clue if any of this made sense, but all I know is that this life is terribly challenging and it wears you down fast!!! I must look to someone stronger, higher, mightier.
I must look to Jesus.
She went in for heart surgery (Serious for an 85 year old woman), yet she believed that she would be able to fully recover...at least that's what the doctors were telling her. However, she never left the hospital. She had some serious breathing problems and could never get off the ventilator.
Finally, after a few weeks and after the doctors admitting that she would never again breathe on her own, my mom and her sisters decided to take her off the ventilator. My grandma was heavily sedated and we all knew that she never wanted to "be kept alive"...she told us this many times!!!
Anytime you deal with death you think about what happens next...you think about lots of things. I've been thinking about what's "real". God says in the scriptures that he placed eternity in the hearts of all of us...this longing for something "more"...something "beyond what we see". I've been challenged lately that what we see and touch is not really "real", rather the spiritual realm is truly "real"....the realm of the power of the holy spirit, as well as the powers of evil. This message is all throughout the scriptures, and when you lose someone from this life, you have to question What it's all about or what's truly real?
Living in this city and working with the population that I work with...I feel like I am constantly bombarded with the brokenness and evil of this world that we live in. From the abandoned homes and caved in buildings every where you look in Detroit to the foster youth that I see every day who battle to "make something of themselves"...sometimes you wonder how they will ever make it when they've been raped or witnessed murders or have the reading capacity of a 1st grader at the age of 21. Ahhh, I get so emotionally involved and I wonder "Whats the hope?" "How can this ever change?"
I'm gonna sound really negative here, but I really don't think there is much hope. I mean, I believe that change can and will happen and it will be beautiful. But, there will always be these disgusting stories of abuse and injustice. The evil and oppression and ugliness of our world will never be completely eradicated- at least not in this world that we know.
I believe that the hope only lies in "Something more"...something outside this "reality" that we know. Believing in a reality that we cannot see with our eyes, yet trusting that it is what we were created for.
12And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. 13Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. 14For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come. -Hebrews
Even as I type this, I wonder if people (If anyone reads this) will be thinking that I'm saying, "Whats the point? Just give up"...I'm not saying that at all. I fully believe that we must continue to fight for justice in our world and battle to see good overcome evil. But, I just feel like at the end of the day....The hope only lies in "the created" being united with "the creator".
My grandma lived 85 years. 85 years of love and compassion and mercy to SO MANY, yet her life is over...as much as I am challenged by the legacy that she has left behind, I'm really being challenged by the thought that all that truly matters now is that she has been united with her God. Her hope was in "another reality"...in an eternal world with God...and that hope motivated her to live the life she lived.
I have no clue if any of this made sense, but all I know is that this life is terribly challenging and it wears you down fast!!! I must look to someone stronger, higher, mightier.
I must look to Jesus.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Thoughts on serving:
I met with a woman last week who started a christian community development organization over 25 years ago here in Detroit. She has been living & serving in this city for over 2 decades. I wanted to meet with her because I figured she could offer me some wisdom on "how you do it!"
She's been through so much...she's been shot, robbed at gunpoint by people that she has helped... Her house has been open to all children of all ages who do not have a home. She has rich experiences in urban ministry.
Even though this woman has an extremely busy schedule, she sat with me at Starbucks for 2 hours to listen to my heart and hear my struggles with making Detroit home and with the constant discouragement of the "backwardness" of this city.
The greatest piece of advice that she could offer me was this-
"This is hard work, but your service is less about the people you are serving and more about you."
Well, that sounded selfish to me?!?! What?!
Basically, her challenge to me was that -God doesn't need you in order to care for the needs of the city of Detroit, but he chooses to invite you into this work that he is doing. Therefore, it's really about our response and our dependency on the Lord...it's about our obedience...about our sanctification (making us more like Christ). So, as we serve and as we are responding faithfully to the Holy Spirit and "doing it unto the Lord" then he will change us AND maybe the people will change and maybe they won't. I have to know I'm not responsible for that.
That's where my struggle is---I get so connected and enmeshed in it all that it defeats me and I find that I'm not really doing this for the Lord, but I'm doing it for myself. I even take it personally when my youth don't follow through with their goals or when they spout off at me for trying to help them! Then, I find myself emotionally spent, discouraged, and questioning "why God"? Ahhh, what a sick cycle.
I have no answers for how to "get there", but I do think that it must be a daily "renewing of your mind"--- replacing the lies with truth, overcoming the selfish motives with pure motives.
She's been through so much...she's been shot, robbed at gunpoint by people that she has helped... Her house has been open to all children of all ages who do not have a home. She has rich experiences in urban ministry.
Even though this woman has an extremely busy schedule, she sat with me at Starbucks for 2 hours to listen to my heart and hear my struggles with making Detroit home and with the constant discouragement of the "backwardness" of this city.
The greatest piece of advice that she could offer me was this-
"This is hard work, but your service is less about the people you are serving and more about you."
Well, that sounded selfish to me?!?! What?!
Basically, her challenge to me was that -God doesn't need you in order to care for the needs of the city of Detroit, but he chooses to invite you into this work that he is doing. Therefore, it's really about our response and our dependency on the Lord...it's about our obedience...about our sanctification (making us more like Christ). So, as we serve and as we are responding faithfully to the Holy Spirit and "doing it unto the Lord" then he will change us AND maybe the people will change and maybe they won't. I have to know I'm not responsible for that.
That's where my struggle is---I get so connected and enmeshed in it all that it defeats me and I find that I'm not really doing this for the Lord, but I'm doing it for myself. I even take it personally when my youth don't follow through with their goals or when they spout off at me for trying to help them! Then, I find myself emotionally spent, discouraged, and questioning "why God"? Ahhh, what a sick cycle.
I have no answers for how to "get there", but I do think that it must be a daily "renewing of your mind"--- replacing the lies with truth, overcoming the selfish motives with pure motives.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Why am I starting this blog?
There are plenty of reasons to start a blog. here are a few that come to mind:
-to update my family who is a 1,000 miles away on my life
-to process my thoughts through writing
-to gain insight and thoughts on my experiences from the readers
....
I think those are all part of why I started this blog, but mostly...mostly just to ask for prayer.
I believe wholeheartedly that there are some beautiful people in our lives who love us and care for us and wish to support us and WE NEED IT!!!
I've hit a rough spot in my time here in Detroit & I will write more on this later, but please pray for us. We covet it.
Here are a few things you can be praying for:
-Our marriage, for balance in our schedules to spend time together and to lift one another up in the challenges.
-Questions about the future...should we go back to school? Should we change jobs? Should we purchase a super cheap house in Detroit?
-My emotional state- I've been battling depression a lot since we returned from the wedding and been having a super challenging time making Detroit "My home". I miss my family and the life I knew. Please pray that through the power of the Holy Spirit...I would embrace this as home and feel joy about it.
-Mack Ave Community Church- the church plant that we are a part of here in the city. That it would be a presence of love and hope in this community. That Nick and I would know our roles in this church body and that we would be mindful of not being too busy just doing lots of spiritual stuff, but that we would actually be falling more in love with Jesus and this community.
-Our jobs- that Nick and I would perservere and remember to go to work every day filled with vision for the people that we serve. Burn out is a very real challenge right now (mainly for me). Would you pray that God would give us renewed compassion for the homeless (Nick) and the foster youth (Laurie).
-The state of this city- it's no secret that Detroit is a very rough place! Pray for this city! Pray for the power of darkness to be overcome, because Satan's presence is so evident here---unlike anything I think I've ever experienced. The people of this city walk around in darkness and it is such a sad place. Pray for redemption of this place... please.
I ask for your prayers, i ask deeply for them.
Lately, I've been terribly overcome by the realization that I cannot do this life alone. We need each other. Thank you for being one of those people that 'i need'...I pray that I can be the same for you.
~Laurie
-to update my family who is a 1,000 miles away on my life
-to process my thoughts through writing
-to gain insight and thoughts on my experiences from the readers
....
I think those are all part of why I started this blog, but mostly...mostly just to ask for prayer.
I believe wholeheartedly that there are some beautiful people in our lives who love us and care for us and wish to support us and WE NEED IT!!!
I've hit a rough spot in my time here in Detroit & I will write more on this later, but please pray for us. We covet it.
Here are a few things you can be praying for:
-Our marriage, for balance in our schedules to spend time together and to lift one another up in the challenges.
-Questions about the future...should we go back to school? Should we change jobs? Should we purchase a super cheap house in Detroit?
-My emotional state- I've been battling depression a lot since we returned from the wedding and been having a super challenging time making Detroit "My home". I miss my family and the life I knew. Please pray that through the power of the Holy Spirit...I would embrace this as home and feel joy about it.
-Mack Ave Community Church- the church plant that we are a part of here in the city. That it would be a presence of love and hope in this community. That Nick and I would know our roles in this church body and that we would be mindful of not being too busy just doing lots of spiritual stuff, but that we would actually be falling more in love with Jesus and this community.
-Our jobs- that Nick and I would perservere and remember to go to work every day filled with vision for the people that we serve. Burn out is a very real challenge right now (mainly for me). Would you pray that God would give us renewed compassion for the homeless (Nick) and the foster youth (Laurie).
-The state of this city- it's no secret that Detroit is a very rough place! Pray for this city! Pray for the power of darkness to be overcome, because Satan's presence is so evident here---unlike anything I think I've ever experienced. The people of this city walk around in darkness and it is such a sad place. Pray for redemption of this place... please.
I ask for your prayers, i ask deeply for them.
Lately, I've been terribly overcome by the realization that I cannot do this life alone. We need each other. Thank you for being one of those people that 'i need'...I pray that I can be the same for you.
~Laurie
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