So much has been happening:

On May 4th, my grandma passed away, and it's kinda "taken me out". She was such a special part of my life (all of our lives), and some days it's just bizarre not to be able to talk to her.

She went in for heart surgery (Serious for an 85 year old woman), yet she believed that she would be able to fully recover...at least that's what the doctors were telling her. However, she never left the hospital. She had some serious breathing problems and could never get off the ventilator.

Finally, after a few weeks and after the doctors admitting that she would never again breathe on her own, my mom and her sisters decided to take her off the ventilator. My grandma was heavily sedated and we all knew that she never wanted to "be kept alive"...she told us this many times!!!

Anytime you deal with death you think about what happens next...you think about lots of things. I've been thinking about what's "real". God says in the scriptures that he placed eternity in the hearts of all of us...this longing for something "more"...something "beyond what we see". I've been challenged lately that what we see and touch is not really "real", rather the spiritual realm is truly "real"....the realm of the power of the holy spirit, as well as the powers of evil. This message is all throughout the scriptures, and when you lose someone from this life, you have to question What it's all about or what's truly real?

Living in this city and working with the population that I work with...I feel like I am constantly bombarded with the brokenness and evil of this world that we live in. From the abandoned homes and caved in buildings every where you look in Detroit to the foster youth that I see every day who battle to "make something of themselves"...sometimes you wonder how they will ever make it when they've been raped or witnessed murders or have the reading capacity of a 1st grader at the age of 21. Ahhh, I get so emotionally involved and I wonder "Whats the hope?" "How can this ever change?"

I'm gonna sound really negative here, but I really don't think there is much hope. I mean, I believe that change can and will happen and it will be beautiful. But, there will always be these disgusting stories of abuse and injustice. The evil and oppression and ugliness of our world will never be completely eradicated- at least not in this world that we know.
I believe that the hope only lies in "Something more"...something outside this "reality" that we know. Believing in a reality that we cannot see with our eyes, yet trusting that it is what we were created for.

12And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. 13Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. 14For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come. -Hebrews

Even as I type this, I wonder if people (If anyone reads this) will be thinking that I'm saying, "Whats the point? Just give up"...I'm not saying that at all. I fully believe that we must continue to fight for justice in our world and battle to see good overcome evil. But, I just feel like at the end of the day....The hope only lies in "the created" being united with "the creator".

My grandma lived 85 years. 85 years of love and compassion and mercy to SO MANY, yet her life is over...as much as I am challenged by the legacy that she has left behind, I'm really being challenged by the thought that all that truly matters now is that she has been united with her God. Her hope was in "another reality"...in an eternal world with God...and that hope motivated her to live the life she lived.

I have no clue if any of this made sense, but all I know is that this life is terribly challenging and it wears you down fast!!! I must look to someone stronger, higher, mightier.
I must look to Jesus.